Monday, 16 January 2012

Don’t Get Jealous, Get Better


There are lots of people in the world. Many of them will have more than you, achieve more than you, be prettier than you, etc. However, there are equally as many people who have far less than you, achieve next to nothing in comparison to you, be a lot less pretty than you are, etc.

Do you see how inconsequential that makes jealously? How pointless it is? 

Why do we prioritise pining about the things people have that we don’t, rather than skipping about in a merry haze, cheering about all the things we were blessed with over others? We’re a funny old species.

It is okay to get that pang when you see something someone has that you want; that little hint of the green-eyed monster – it’s natural, it merely signifies ambition and want within you. But it’s what you follow that with which counts. If you sit around simply moaning ‘why did they get it and not me?!’ then you’re not going to get very far; the jealously will engulf you; you’ll become bitter and far worse off than you needed to be.

However, if you take that pang and question it: ask what exactly it is that you desire in the jealously scenario, then decide ‘I’m going to have that too’, you become deserving of it and you can work to make it happen. Or, at least, if you can’t change it, you can change your attitude about it or make it your mission to gain something equally as precious.

You have to focus on being the best you – because that is all you have. Being yourself is the best gift you were ever given, have you ever thought of it like that? Think about yesterday’s post and be thankful that you are who you are, where you are. When you feel jealousy, recognise it as a glimpse of your own potential achievement, and take a lesson from it, not a confidence knock.

Summary:
♥ Realise that jealousy is inconsequential – it’s all relative!
♥ Jealousy is okay, it’s what you do with that feeling that counts
♥ Use jealous feelings to aid your own development and not stand in your way
Homework:

Change your attitude to jealousy.

Think of three incidents where you have felt jealous, or imagine three where you could potentially feel very jealous.

  • Why would you feel that way?
  • What, specifically, is it they have that you want?
  • Why don’t you have it?
  • Can you help that?

Now, use that jealous feeling as a tool rather than an obstacle, exploit it rather than letting it weigh down and depress you. Change your thoughts to proactive ones, ask yourself:

  • How can you have what they have too?
  • Or: how can you change your feelings about it to elevate yourself in spirits, regardless of whether you possess it or not?
  • Can you shift your focus to another, more suitable, more attainable goal?
  • Is that really what you want, or do you have higher aspirations?

Let jealously inspire you. Let it be your teacher; imagine the subject of your jealously has been placed in your path simply to show you what you could be with a little work and determination – and you will never go wrong.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am glad you shared this, over the last week I have been bookmarking several sites discussing jealousy and I agree that it is definitely something/the desire from within oneself.

The pangs of jealousy are obvious/painful when you feel you are doing nothing with yourself and definitely want to be doing more. Sometimes people brush the feeling under the carpet, but I think it is important to have honest conversations with ourselves.
I am learning to use this odd emotion as a tool. to reflect further on what I want to achieve and why?
Thank you for posting and encouraging us to look within. :)

The Dotty One said...

I'm just catching up as I am a few days behind. I am finding this exercise really useful - particularly as a tool to work out what it is you really want.

Camilla @ Girls Are Made From Pepsi said...

I think that girls are pre-conditioned to see each other as threats and jealousy rears it's head waaaaay too often. Tavi Gevinson did a great hand drawn diagram on the machinations of girl-hate, and I'll unashamedly link to it here.
http://rookiemag.com/2011/09/getting-over-girl-hate/

Post a Comment